What it's like

It's like that feeling when you're so close and this time it'll happen, but somehow you lose it again and you're so frustrated and it's not there and you really wanted it this time. There it went and there you are and it hasn't happened. Again.

But you expect it, and you prepare for it, and finally it'll happen... and you're disappointed again. Left there feeling blank and angry and tired and frustrated. You hate yourself, you hate everyone around you, you hate everyone who has ever been near you and you hate everyone who will be near you in the future.

And there's nothing you can do about it. You can't get it back. You can't pick it back up. It's gone. Oh sure, you can think you'll get there again, and you'll prepare for it to happen again and you'll try something new because, let's face it, insanity is trying the same experiment and expecting different results, right?

And maybe this time you actually convince yourself that it'll work. It's going to work. This was all it took, enough feelings and love and attachment and that right there and this right here and yes, this time, yes.

But no, not this time, no.

And you smile and you live and you move on to the next thing and think, "Man. What if that could have been it? What if that could have been the time it worked?" But it's too late for that now, and here you are, frustrated and swearing off life again because it never works. Every thing you do isn't quite right, and even this ONE THING that you should be able to have. This thing that should be yours. Why don't you have this yet? Why are you the only one who just can't make it work? What is this big secret that everyone else knows and you're still sitting out on? This should be yours.

Maybe it'll happen, but by now, you doubt it. Because if it hasn't happened yet, when? Where is yours? Why isn't it here? It's that feeling. You know the one I'm talking about.

Or maybe I'm the only one that happens to.