Trigger Warning: A Conversation

Heather: 9-12 years old, a child, but not childish. Hopeful.

Lynnette: Young woman, bitter and bruised.

Mary: Young woman, almost jaded, laughing when she can.

Emily: Young woman, torn.

Cory: Young man, uncomfortable.

Jason: Young man.

Brianna: Young woman, experienced.





Heather: I'm a bird.

Lynette: You keep telling yourself that, hun.

Cory: (sitting on the floor) Really, it's not that big of a deal.

Mary: Yes, it is.

Heather: I'm a bird. I'm a bird!

Emily: I mean, I just don't feel like I can call it that.

Jason: So don't. Stop kidding yourself.

Lynette: (to Jason) Shut up.

Heather: I'm flying, I'm free!

Brianna: He's right, though.

Cory: Seriously, it happens sometimes. Life will do this kind of thing, and you just... learn. So I learned, and I'm going on with life.

Mary: It's always a big deal, though. And when people say it's not a big deal, then it's an even bigger deal. Because it SHOULD be a big deal. How can you just sit there? How can you just let shit like this happen and not do anything? Why aren't we talking about this?

Brianna: Make love, not war.

Emily: I don't know.

Heather: I'm flying! I'm flying! 

Cory: We were sitting together in the movies. We were young. Not like, regular young, but young. I was 6 maybe? 7? I don't even know. She was my girlfriend, or as close to one as you can have at that age. Our parents had taken us to a movie. They called it a play-date.

Lynette: God is still here, God loves me.

Mary: That's cute.

Cory: I call it date-rape. Which is weird, considering the circumstances. I mean, we were 6.

Brianna: I was 16.

Cory: Or 7.

Jason: I couldn't wait to get laid.

Cory: Okay, not rape, I guess. Molestation is a more honest word, I suppose. I mean, I didn't know what it was, okay? She just started

Lynette: Bad things happen to good people. We all know it.

Emily: I need more than that. I won't accept it.

Heather: Why isn't anyone flying with me?

Mary: There are such things as bad people.

Brianna: He was 26.

Emily: Good people make bad choices sometimes. We are all inherently good people. There is good and bad in everyone.

Mary: Bad people do bad things. Good people do good things. Evil people do bad things to good people.

Brianna: He thought I was 22.

Cory: Man, I'm hungry. Look, can I go get food?

Lynette: There's forgiveness for bad people.

Jason: There's a reward for a good BJ.

Lynette: That's not funny.

Heather: A what?

Mary: Stop trying to convince yourself that good and bad are ideas. Good and bad are people. If you keep thinking that "good people make bad choices", you'll forgive someone for being who they are. Stop it.

Emily: How do I just ignore all of the good they've done before now?

Mary: They are manipulative assholes, and the good was just the mountain for them to push you off.

Lynette: I was way too young. I got off the bus. I walked home. I was stopped.

Jason: I got a hand-job at recess in 5th grade. I've never been able to keep girls off me.

Brianna: I gave a hand-job in 5th grade. Did we go to school together?

Lynette: I don't need to tell you about this.

Emily: He's actually a good person.

Mary: No, he isn't.

Emily: I suppose I didn't know him for that long... well. A year. Maybe two. But we were friends, I will say that.

Jason: So what's the deal, did you actually get raped? Or did you just have sex when you didn't want to?

Lynette: It's the same thing.

Mary: It's the same thing.

Brianna: It's a valid question.

Heather: We're studying clouds in class and I saw a columbus-nimbus cloud-

Lynette: Cumulonimbus

Heather: -and I remembered seeing one before and I told the teacher about the storm that took the tree out of our yard and the other kids didn't believe me and even the teacher didn't believe me

Emily: Don't forget to breathe.

Mary: (ironically) Teachers never will.

Heather: But it did happen I swear.

Brianna: Yeah, I've had sex when I didn't want to. Every woman does! Little things to make people happy, what's so wrong with that?

Jason: I've never not wanted to.

Cory: It's not that... I just didn't... I don't

Emily: (to Cory) You don't have to.

Heather: They're so strong, the clouds.

Lynette: They're not as strong as they look.

Heather: They can do so much.

Mary: It's the same thing and I can't stand people like you who think there's a difference.

Emily: I mean, maybe it was partially my fault. I don't know really how to explain it. It's like, you have this vision of what rape is. Rape is a stranger showing up behind you with a knife telling you not to tell anyone.

Lynette: I don't want to talk about it.

Emily: Rape is when he hits you and you're bleeding and cut and crying. Rape is violence and pain and death and bad. Rape is rape.

Mary: Rape is rape.

Emily: I feel like... rape is when both parties know it's rape.

Mary: Rape is rape.

Brianna: This one time, I was at Disneyland. The fireworks were going off, and it just so happened that Prince Charming was on break and knew where the nearest broom closet was.

Cory: Seriously, I'm really hungry, can I go?

Mary: Everyone knows boundaries. If you know what your boundaries are, that's all you need. If you don't know what your boundaries are, figure them out. If you don't know that you need boundaries -God, I hate people. What the hell is wrong with this world? People that don't even know that they NEED boundaries are having them broken.

Brianna: Cinderella wasn't too pleased.

Heather: I like Disneyland.

Brianna: Neither was Peter Pan, to be honest. Should have known that the closet wasn't the first choice for most men...

Emily: (factual) We were at a party, like many that we had been to before. Some were drinking, some were drunk... we were drinking. He kept going and going and I would stop him and try to go back to sleep. Then he would start again, and we'd go a little farther and I'd stop him and say "I don't want to have sex" and we'd stop and I'd go back to sleep. I'd wake up to him again, we'd go farther, surely he's getting tired, I'm getting tired, maybe this will appease him. I try to go back to sleep. This keeps going on, I keep telling him that I don't want to have sex. I'm finally too tired to say no anymore.

Jason: (factual) 6 no's and 1 yes is still a yes.

Emily: (factual) No bruises, no cuts, no pinning down, no covered mouths, no knives...

Lynette: I don't want to talk about it with you.

Emily: but no "yes."

Mary: (factual) Rape is penetration without consent.

Emily: (factual) Rape is penetration without consent.

Brianna: (factual) Sex is sex.

Emily: (back to pre-factual style) I mean, we were friends. I was there... and... I didn't stop him, so

Jason: There was one time when I almost got in trouble. She got all pissed off because I didn't use a condom.

Heather: I like clouds. I like watching clouds.

Emily: (laughing, ironically) I guess I should be thankful for the... little things.

Mary: Dark humor, that's funny.

Lynette: No, it's not.

Heather: I don't get it.

Brianna: There was this one time, I had this friend in college.

Jason: I told her I would, but we got carried away. It's not like she got pregnant or anything. I'm clean & all.

Brianna: She was a great girl. I should call her sometime.

Lynette: Things happen to people, and there's nothing you can do.

Mary: You can stop it from happening again.

Lynette: People are always like this.

Heather: Clouds have been around forever, did you know that? And what's better than that, It's always the same clouds! I mean, they're different shapes, but they're the same. The water is the same. See, it's in the cloud, then it rains, then it goes to the ground, then it evaporates and goes back to the clouds. So it's always been the same clouds, just different forms! I think it's really cool. It's always the same.

Lynette: It's always the same.

Mary: More people use bottled water when they can. Same water, but better. Filter out the bad.

Jason: It's not like I have any STDs or anything. She just got all pissy, keyed my car, bitched to her girlfriends, wank wank wank. Call a lawyer, I don't give a shit. The fish are still biting.

Brianna: I like it without condoms, anyway. Much better.

Emily: Look, I just don't even want to think about sex anymore. I don't like to think about it. I didn't really like it all that much beforehand, anyway. It's not like he took some innocence from me

Lynette: I don't want to talk about it

Emily: that I didn't already give to someone else, but I just...

Cory: Don't like thinking about it.

Emily: Exactly. I don't like thinking about it.

Mary: I'm just so tired of the bullshit. Bad people shouldn't be allowed to keep doing bad things. They should all be stopped. We need to teach people about where lines are. Lines aren't fucking imaginary, they exist. An older person can't just touch someone and think it's okay, no matter what kind of relationship they have.

Cory: It's not like she knew what she was doing

Mary: We need to teach our kids where the line is and we need to stop shoving sex and sexual thoughts and physical contact away and stop hiding it with the Christmas ornaments in the dark corners of our attics. Because people get hurt, and there is no greater sin than hurting another person.

Lynette: People break other people. It's how people are.

Mary: It's no excuse.

Brianna: Don't give everyone else so much credit. I've accepted who I am, so accept yourself.

Lynette: So you're proud of you choices, are you?

Brianna: You know that "slut" is just a made up word. It doesn't mean anything. It's a man's way of trying to punish a woman for enjoying sex just as much as he does.

Heather: I like the shapes in clouds. I sit on the trampoline in the yard and just look up. I want to be a cloud.

Emily: I've spent so long calling it a one night stand. I just thought "well, I guess this is a part of growing up."

Jason: One night stands are a part of growing up.

Mary: Rape isn't.

Lynette: Or at least, it shouldn't be.

Heather: They just blow by. They fly with the birds.

Jason: I love women. I can't stop thinking about them.

Cory: I used to wish it wasn't her. It's almost like there are others it should have been.

Lynette: No use wishing.

Emily: Wishing is all we have left.

Cory: Not her. Maybe someone else.

Mary: No, it's not. Action is all we have left.

Brianna: It's been forever since I had any action. What, 2 weeks?

Cory: Like... Andrew

Jason: That's sick.

Mary: Leave him alone.

Lynette: Did you want it to be Andrew before it happened, or after?

Cory: I don't understand

Jason: She's asking if you were gay before that girl touched you, or if you're just gay because you didn't like her touching you?

Mary: (to Jason) What the Hell is your problem?

Cory: I don't know

Mary: Seriously, what kind of question is that?

Jason: It's her question, not mine.

Lynette: I'm just curious.

Emily: You don't have to answer.

Cory: No, I've thought about it before. It's like...

Heather: I've lived in my neighborhood all of my life, and one time, my aunt came over and took me out for lunch. When we were leaving my house, I told her that she went the wrong way. She kept promising me that we weren't going the wrong way, but I've lived here, you know? I knew the way out of the neighborhood. I've never been down that road. It's different and weird and I don't even know where it goes and I was really hungry.

Mary: You have to talk about it or they won't know until it's too late. If she's bleeding, it's too late.

Heather: There were houses I hadn't seen before. Trees and dogs and sidewalks and people and I didn't know who they were. It took forever to get out of the neighborhood. I might have liked it better if I found it myself.

Mary: It's not like adults don't know when it's too late.

Heather: Or maybe I would've liked it better if mom was driving. Or dad. Or maybe if I wasn't so hungry & I knew we were going the wrong way and I just wanted something to eat.

Cory: I'm hungry. Can we stop talking about this now, can I go?

Mary: Adults know better. They always know better. Why do they always act like they don't? Who's going to believe that?

Brianna: Chill out. People are people, no matter what age.

Mary: (factual) It was a field trip. My friend & I went exploring. He told us that we didn't need to be there, and go back to the group.

Lynette: (to Emily) What happened to me, there's no question. I wish I could've had what you had.

Emily: What are you talking about? You have no idea-

Lynette: No, you have no idea. You have it so easy. You could ruin him. You could take him down so easily, and you won't. I'll never find him, and you can ruin him.

Emily: It's not that simple, because I know him

Lynette: No, it IS that simple, because you know him

Mary: (factual) He knew better. They always know better. He knew he shouldn't have done that. We escaped, we ran. When I got home, I didn't know what to do.

Brianna: Look, he's a good person. He's my favorite. You're obviously making it up.

Jason: You were where you weren't supposed to be, anyway.

Emily: I wish I could just hate as easily as you do, but I don't.

Lynette: You'll never know how easy you have it.

Jason: (to Emily) Come on, you weren't even raped. You just didn't want to have sex.

Brianna: I don't see what the big deal is.

Mary: (factual) I finally got up the nerve to tell the principal. When I was done, she looked up at me and said "And what, exactly, do you expect me to do about it?"

Heather: I want to fly. I want to float. I want to change and be whatever I want.

Emily: You can.

Brianna: That's a sad story and all, but you know that happens to a lot of people. Sometimes, a lot worse happens to people. And they're living their lives and they're fine and I don't know why you can't just do the same.

Jason: Look, this whole thing is bullshit. Bitches bitching. Everyone has something to complain about. Go change your tampon and put on your big-girl panties.

Mary: How are you not pissed off at the world?

Lynette: Trust me, I'm pissed off, but I know enough to know that I'm not the final judge for people. I won't change anyone, only God can.

Mary: And you still believe in God? After what you went through?

Lynette: I don't want to talk about that.

Mary: That's the point. Why won't you talk about it? Why aren't you talking?

Cory: I don't like thinking about it.

Mary: Why?

Cory: I just don't.

Mary: WHY

Cory: Because it's not me! It's not who I am! I'm me. I'm just me. I don't need to be a sexual being, I don't need to be in a functioning relationship, I don't need a past or future, I exist right now, right where I am, and that's enough for me. Let it be enough for you.

Emily: I want to be a cloud, too.

Heather: It sounds nice, doesn't it?

Brianna: I think it would be nicer to be alive. Don't you?

Emily: Don't give her your ideas.

Brianna: Are yours so much better?

Lynette: What ideas would you suggest?

Mary: (to Cory) Is it so bad to be a thinking individual? To chose a side to fight for?

Cory: I'd rather not fight.

Jason: I'd rather drink.

Cory: I'm not defined by where I've been. I'm not defined, because people are more complex than that. You can't get a spot in Webster's as a being. Beings are more complicated than that.

Mary: (accepting) Okay.

Brianna: Everyone does things that they don't want to do. C'est la vie.

Emily: No, I won't accept that. It's choices. Everyone makes choices, right? Different people, different decisions.

Lynette: Some people make the decisions for you, and that's where the wrong lies. That's where the problem is. You should never chose for another person. That's the line.

Mary: That's the line.

Heather: The clouds are the same, but they change so much. They shift and they float and they change.

Cory: I remember her still. I haven't seen her in a long time, and I don't know what I'd say if I ever saw her. She's probably married now. Maybe a few kids.

Emily: I see him more often than I'd like. I can't say hi anymore. I can't pretend it didn't happen. I can't keep calling it a one night stand. I have to call it what it is.

Mary: He won teacher of the year the following year.

Brianna: They've been comforting, here and there. I wonder what it would be like if one stood out over the others. After a while, the people start to blend together. It's kind of nice to be the constant one in my changing world.

Lynette: I hope he's dead. Or in prison.

Jason: What's wrong with a little adventure?

Heather: I want to change like they do. I want to feel a shift from one state to another. I want to move and go where I want, but always know there's more. I want to float, I want to fall, I want to swim, I want to fly. I want to go whatever direction I chose. I want to be free.